She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
