He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
