There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
