Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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