If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
