On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you never un-have a 4some
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
