I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize