Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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