Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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