I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
