allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
