If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
