She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize