I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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