My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize