He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
