she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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