I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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