Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
