I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize