and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
