final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
