I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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