I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
