She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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