the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
