I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
