I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
