I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
