i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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