Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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