man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
