dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
