So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
