I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
