farters have to be the big spoon...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
