You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
