sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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