so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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