the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
