She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
