It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
