I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
