Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
How external is "for external use only"?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
