Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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