I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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