highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
