This house was built for laser tag.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
