I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
