eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
