I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
