its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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