my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
operation have a gay friend backfired
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize