I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ketchup is God's man juice
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The air taste purple.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
