protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
