My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
