so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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