2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
