the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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