This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize