i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
