I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Are my feet made of real feet?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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