She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
