You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize