I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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