I wish I could punch you in the face.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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